Queen Up
By Eloise Herbert
Certified Life and Wellness Coach, MA In Human Relations, BA In Communications
Caribbean Vybes Contributory Writer
Sugarcoating is not one of my strongest suits, therefore I do not bother to try. I am addicted to self-empowerment. Sometimes, I overdose on self-empowerment. I get high on cultivating that sense of feeling strong, powerful and positive.
Foremost, I am a single mother raising three wonderful daughters and secondly, people say I am an inspiration, thus I am obligated to encourage girls and women wherever I go. Women are the thread that keeps the societal fabric together. If women are not confident and strong, I do not know what will become of our world. Women bear every president, prime minster, doctor, lawyer, pilot, engineer, pastor, teacher, janitor, social worker – every human being on the face of this earth. Don’t be fooled, there are strong women ‘shouldering’ the most powerful men in the world and throughout history. In addition, we are responsible for raising productive citizens. Just being a woman is an insurmountable task but empowering ourselves make our duties attainable.
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On one of my favorite sites, empowerment refers to increasing one’s own spiritual, political, social or economic strength. This usually involves developing confidence in one’s own capabilities or as I prefer to put it channeling one’s inner queen. A queen, by definition, is wise, she is constantly growing, she knows her self-worth, she is confident and proud, whatever she puts her hands to it thrives. She knows no fear, she has no time for self-doubt and gossip. She excels and she soars. As I became older and faced different obstacles, my definition of the word “queen” evolved innumerably, each definition an improvement of the last. When I think of an empowered woman, automatically, I imagine a Proverbs 31 woman. The good old book perfectly details what a woman should strive to be in Proverbs 31. Whenever I have to address a situation, when I am facing challenges or engaging self-defeating thoughts; I would always channel my inner confidence and QueenUP↑. Women are one of earth’s most prized occupant, we were all created to be queens. I do not care about your socioeconomic background. I do not care if you went to college or if you have many failed relationships. I do not care who you are sistah but it is time for you to declare yourself queen of your own life. In addition to loving yourself, practicing forgiveness, staying focused, staying real, being honest and valuing your virtues; here are some customs to consider on your journey to QueenUP↑:
Awake and retire with an attitude of gratitude. Queens, each morning when you wake and every night before you sleep, count your blessings and express your gratitude to your creator.
A queen knows that having the right attitude certainly makes facing life challenges easier and life worth living. Wake up early every day on purpose and just decide to be happy. Face your day with a smile. Understand that you and you alone have power over your thoughts and your actions. Be thankful that you have a job. If you got fired, be thankful that you are alive and can seek a better job. Before you complain about the children making a mess of the house be thankful your womb bore children and that you have a roof over your head. When you open your refrigerator and cupboards, you have food looking back at you. You haven’t been to the doctor all year. Give thanks. Your children, especially your daughters have a right to an education and can go to school every day. You have supportive family and friends. You have a car and if you’re a Queen who walks everywhere, be thankful you’re are not lame and you can show off your cute shoes. You have too many clothes to choose from and not to mention how vast your shoe closets are and makeup collection. Trust me, I can talk about gratitude all day because there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.
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Read your bible, pray and meditate every day. Queens, always give your creator the first part of your day. No excuses. It helps to set the trajectory for the rest of your day. It’s comparable to putting on your armor before braving battle because the world is a battlefield. So, my advice, before you check your emails or your social media account, take a few minutes to whisper a prayer, read a few bible verses and just wallow in His and your silence before facing the world. Queens, a relationship with your creator is meaningful and enriching. In fact, it is the most imperative relationship in your life.
Self-care, mental awareness and exercise. Our historical and cultural construct makes embracing self-care a difficult practice but not opting for self-care can pose many risks. Ultimately, we become drained beyond our capability and is left with nothing to give our families, our bosses, and ourselves. With a burgeoning self-help industry, I think many of us are beginning to understand the crux of being both emotionally and physically healthy; but we need to apply it. Self-care runs the gamut of living: from exercise to healthy eating; from making informed decisions to finding a hobby; from personal hygiene to joining a group that makes you happy. According to the American Institute of Stress (AIS), some issues related to fatigue (burn out) are emotional stagnation, frustration; reduced sense of personal accomplishment; isolation; physical exhaustion and depersonalization; easily irritated/frustrated; cannot focus; and losing compassion for some people while becoming obsessed with others. Just to highlight a few. Queens many of us are juggling families, jobs, and school, we can experience being burnt-out at times. Understand that self-care isn’t being selfish. Self-care is a divine responsibility. How can you fill someone up, if you are running on empty?
Growth and Development. Stay in school. (Laughs) Now, Queens, my use of the word school is symbolic in its context. Living in a rapidly evolving world, you would not be able to cope efficiently or make informed decisions, if you are not conscious of what is happening around you. Or, many of you have an interest in attending college and furthering your education. How about those of you who own businesses? There may be some skill set you desire to strengthen. Some of you are thinking of starting a business. How about enrolling in an entrepreneurship class? Staying in school simply means there is always room for improvement somewhere, somehow. Keep developing yourselves, keep growing and most importantly keep empowering yourself. Listen to the news; tune in for the latest on the stock market; read-read-read-read books of all genres; confront your fears – head on and apply to college. Some of us may not have the financial means to attend college…why not opt for an online class? Scout your town for free workshops or boot camps. Make room in your life for new experiences. Whatever your situation, never stop growing Queens, always stay current and on the cutting edge of what is happening in your kingdom. A queen should commit to continuously improving herself.
Learn to say ‘no.’ Oops! You did it again, didn’t you Queen sistah? Committing to an event or agreeing to undertake a project you do not have the time for or have no interest in doing. Now you are harboring feelings of resentment. Queens, while we are empowering ourselves to empower those around us, giving back to our communities and touching hearts without leaving marks – not adopting the word ‘no’ into our vocabulary can distract us from living out our true purposes or can lead to fatigue. Queens, we are in control of us, we alone call the shots of how we spend our time and with who. Do not get pressured into invitations. Don’t be a people pleaser. Queens, trust your instinct – if it feels weird, do not commit your time. Queens, just so you know, you can have a kind heart and still say “no.” Lastly, Queens, do not make bad investments with your time. Only invest your time in activities that tug at your heart strings and feeds your soul.
Detox your team. Queens, who sits at your figurative table? You don’t know? Okay, quick, get a piece of paper and something to write with – let’s detox your dinner guest list together. I know you have heard it before, but I will reiterate the concept. As Queens, it is crucial that you surround yourself with people on the same mission as you. It is true we are all unique but equal. Some people believe that we should remove hierarchy from our daily interactions with people, I beg to differ. Let’s be honest Queens, does everyone deserve a seat at your table? Tough but the reality is no. Ask yourself a few deceptively, simple questions: Am I putting anyone on a pedestal? Who deserves a promotion in my life? Who will I demote with reason? The toughest question. Who will I eject from my life? Queens are confident to make the right decision. We all have toxic people that we need to remove from our lives for various reasons. There are times too when relationships become forced and strained.
You have to make peace with reality and understand that everyone has their season in your life. Avoid allowing the ways of others to dictate your choices. Most importantly, appreciate that your choices sometimes make others uncomfortable but Queens should embrace their sense of individuality. If you have to force it. Leave it.
Other articles you may be interested in:
10 Ways To Start Taking Control
https://caribbeanvybes.com/whos-the-boss-10-ways-to-start-taking-control/
Boost Your Self-Esteem and Believe You Can
https://caribbeanvybes.com/boost-your-self-esteem-and-believe-you-can/
Manifesting: Make Room for Your Best Relationship
https://caribbeanvybes.com/manifesting-make-room-for-your-best-relationship/
Depression: What Women Should Know
https://caribbeanvybes.com/depression-what-women-should-know/
Time to Call The Doctor. Is This Pain Normal
https://caribbeanvybes.com/time-to-call-the-doctor-is-this-pain-normal/