Coping with Grief During the Holidays

By Merita Tyrell-Mitchell,

MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Caribbean Vybes Contributory Writer

“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living…our dead are never dead to us unless we have forgotten them.” Marcus Tulius Cicero

According to the Grief Recovery Institute, “Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss and change of any kind. Of itself, it is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder.”

Grief can happen at various points in one’s life. It is a cumulative process that can impact all aspect of functioning; physical, mental, emotional, social, occupational and spiritual. Grief can be viewed as extreme emotional upheaval and can be consuming, if one is not allowed to grieve and let their emotions flow when they surface.

Although one grieves individually and differently, it is something that should not be experienced alone. For many, it is hard to imagine the intolerable pain one suffers as they try to cope with the loss of a loved one during the holidays. For them, time still marches on, it does not stop because they are grieving. Grief at the loss of a loved one can also disrupt a family’s equilibrium and can create many hurdles and obstacles.

With the holidays fast approaching, many who have experienced tremendous grief can become overwhelmed by their feelings. They are faced with many harsh realities; empty space at the table, empty chairs and an empty presence in the home. The aftermath of grief usually appears dim and bleak to those experiencing it. However, with the transition of time, those who grieve, will come to experience it as a journey towards healing instead of a loss.

How can one survive this monstrous, tidal wave, heart wrenching experience call grief? With its destructive and crashing entrance, the aftermath of picking up the pieces after a loved one has died can be daunting and very challenging. How can one grieve for a loved one who has died and at the same time find a sense of peace during the holiday season?

Here are five (5) things one can do to help survive the death of a loved one during the holidays.

1. Let go of the idea of normalcy. Take it easy by taking time out for yourself. Explore your emotions.
2. Ask for what you need. Prepare yourself to deal with the loss by talking about your loved ones with family members and close friends.
3. Honour the loved one’s memories by celebrating your small joys and life lessons.
4. Continue old traditions and make new ones.
5. Sleep when you can and if you need to.

Grief is a journey of letting go. Someday, one will let go of the pain, the confusion, the emptiness and cling to the strength and perseverance of carrying on. It is in letting go, one remembers their loved ones; the times they made them laugh, made them cry, their smiles, their accomplishments, their hopes, dreams and aspirations. Also, in letting go, one also learn to survive.

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