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Relationships – Do they Matter?

Relationships – Do they Matter?

Relationships – Do they Matter?

By Novelette Morton

 

My mind was in a whirl!  What should I write about?  When I had been asked to make a contribution to the E-Magazine for International Women’s Day on March 8, I pondered … and then … Ah, it hit me …. I can write on relationships.  They affect everyone.  Challenges can abound.  Some persons have become cynical by virtue of their experiences while others live in hope believing that they will one day find their soul mate.  For others it is considered a spiritual journey.   Consequently, I thought it would be good to get the perspectives of both sexes on intimate relationships.

What I hope to achieve through this article is to present the views of men and women, the young, mature and the aged, the single and the married on intimate relationships.  It is not my intention to prescribe solutions but rather to ventilate the opinions of different categories of people with the hope that persons will formulate in their own minds what is critical to healthy, meaningful relationships.  There are no easy answers or quick fix solutions but rather a process that requires deep introspection, understanding and open communication.

Views of men and women on intimate relationships.

I interviewed ten (10) persons so that I could get as broad a view as possible:  six (6) women and four (4) men.  The age categories were thirty (30) and under, fifty (50) and under and sixty (60) and over.  I wanted to look at the similarities and differences in responses across age, sexes, the married and unmarried. 

The questions I asked sought to elicit direct responses on how persons perceive themselves and relationships.  I shall deal with each one individually.

  1. How do you see yourself as a woman/man?

The responses ranged from being hardworking, strong and ambitious, to being free-spirited, headstrong and daring, to responsible, humble, conservative, respectful and positive.  One respondent saw herself as needing to connect with God particularly when the going gets tough.  She also sees her purpose in life as making a positive difference in people’s lives and helping them to be their best selves, while another never thought about that question.

The younger men, fifty and under, tended to associate themselves with being daring and free-spirited.

  1. Do you think man-woman intimate relationships or same sex relationships are important? If Yes or No, say why.

One hundred percent of the respondents consider intimate relationships to be important.  The responses ranged from being able to procreate to being social beings who need one another.  One respondent sees relationships as being divinely created as they add a measure of satisfaction by the association.  A few persons said that relationships add balance to people’s lives and facilitate personal growth.  They said that they offer support for both parties and a sense of security.  Although six persons did not comment on same sex relationships, two persons stated that the Bible does not sanction same-sex relationships.  However, one person stated that although she was raised on Christian values, she respects people and their relationships for what they are.  Another indicated that persons should be free to love whomever they wish.

  1. What do you think makes for a happy relationship?

Love, respect, understanding and compromise were mentioned as key ingredients.  In fact, one individual speaks about balance, knowing when to step back and when to lead.  Partners should not feel inadequate if roles change, she said.  She highlighted the importance of not getting personal in one’s criticisms.  One respondent, over ninety years of age, pinpointed common interests as vital to a successful relationship.  He said persons should have similar likes such as a love for music, drama or family and pointed to the relationship he has with his wife where they both consider the family to be essential.  The immediate and extended family should be a part of family celebrations, he said.  Another individual responded by referring to 1 Corinthians Ch.13 vs 4-13 saying that persons should govern their lives accordingly and should see their partners as being more important than themselves.

  1. Must men or women be in relationships to be happy?

Ninety percent of the respondents said that men and women do not necessarily have to be in relationships to be happy.  They stated that if one feels comfortable with oneself then one can be happy in or out of relationships.  However, thirty percent of respondents consider relationships to be a bonus.  The question of two sexes implies that the union enhances the relationship, said one male.  Three respondents said that some individuals are fine being alone.

  1. What do you think is the key to a fulfilling life?

Some say self-actualisation and achieving one’s dreams.  Others mention doing whatever brings people happiness and still some respondents commented that having a good relationship with God, family and friends is essential to a meaningful life.  One senior citizen listed love, open communication and mutual trust.  One married woman cited financial stability, family support and spiritual stability as critical to a fulfilling life.  It is interesting to note that the males in the study pinpointed qualities such as honesty, self-awareness and being positive as pivotal to a successful life.  Unlike the males, four of the six females interviewed, spoke of the importance of staying close to God and recognizing one’s spirituality.  In fact, one respondent said that without being grounded spiritually there is an emptiness that no one can fill.

  1. When problems arise, how would you deal with them?

The importance of communicating with one’s partners was emphasized.  Being mature and willing to sit down and discuss different points of view was stressed.  In effect, open and frank communication was seen as the vehicle for problem-solving.  One respondent said that no one is completely right and such situations may be challenging especially as they depend on the nature of the problem.

  1. What would you tell men or women who are in toxic relationships?

The majority of respondents indicated that after one has honestly tried to mend the relationship and the relationship is still beyond repair, then one should leave.   A few respondents associated fear, insecurity, stress and even possible ill health with dysfunctional relationships. 

One respondent said that persons must make a distinction between the relationship and the individual.  Furthermore, she added that it is critical to ask God to choose one’s relationships and spouses.  Mentioning that prayer is essential for guidance and direction, she pointed out that individuals cannot solve challenges in their own strength.

Conclusion

What I discovered was that irrespective of age, sex or marital status, the responses were very similar, suggesting that as human beings we have the same aspirations and needs.  Notably, when I approached persons about whether they would agree to be interviewed, I was surprised at the eagerness and willingness to participate.  Perhaps this may be because they consider intimate relationships to be important.  The respondents also implied that engaging in problem-solving and open communication can help one on the journey towards enjoying meaningful relationships. 

Forty percent of the respondents think that a relationship with God is important and that persons should seek divine guidance.  In difficult situations, the question to ask is how much should one take and for how long?  Since 100% of respondents consider intimate male-female relationships to be important then individuals need to critically assess their relationships to find out if they work for them. 

Ultimately, it is people’s happiness that matters not from without but from within. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Novelette Morton is passionate about human and small business development.  Having recently retired from the field of tourism where she worked for over 20 years, she has embarked on freelance writing and the full-time teaching of music, both of which are also her passions!

She has a Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature and French, a Master’s Degree in Mass Communications, specializing in Public Relations, and a Diploma in Hospitality and Tourism Management.

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